Funny Bones
by pandabear87
Summary: Sebastian closed his eyes and started to moan softly to himself. Undertaker always knew the proper way to make him feel good. He slowly began to push his hands downward, holding Sebastian in a loose embrace. He continued to rub him gently, traveling lower and lower still... This is a one-shot crack pairing of Sebastian and Undertaker - ENJOY! ;) (Reviews welcome!)


**Funny Bones**

 _This is a one-shot crack pairing of Sebastian and Undertaker. It just came to me out of the blue… Hope you enjoy my randomness! ;)_

As "The Queen's Watchdog", Ciel Phantomhive had many responsibilities that he had to uphold. One of the most important of these was investigating cases that even Scotland Yard dared not touch. The dirtier the case, it seemed, the more Her Majesty turned to him for help. This particular case he had been given recently just happened to be exactly that: dirty.

There had been a series of brutal murders in London where the victims' limbs had been cleaved clean off. The Queen had asked Ciel if he would look into these attacks because of the strange state the culprit had left the bodies. Scotland Yard had already tried their best, but they had been unsuccessful in their search for the truth.

"It's times like these when I start to wonder just how it is that Aberline is still in charge! Honestly, can't he get anything done without my help!?" Ciel complained as his butler finished buttoning his jacket. They were getting ready to leave the manor, their coach waiting in the front. The pair were going to visit the latest crime scene and look for some clues that the police might have missed.

"Yes my lord." His butler in black, Sebastian, said with a bow.

When they arrived at the scene, Ciel and Sebastian took a look around. It was a gruesome sight indeed. The corpse of a young man lay on the ground. Yet, even though all four of his limbs had been hacked off, there was no sight of blood anywhere.

"No wonder Her Majesty asked us for help", Ciel said aloud. "This is very strange. Do you have any ideas Sebastian?"

"I'm afraid not, master, however it does seem to me that these attacks were not done by an ammeter. Whoever did this must possess some inhuman skills with a knife." His butler replied.

"Obviously." Ciel grunted.

"If I might make one suggestion, I think that, for this case, we might benefit from paying a special visit to a certain shop… If you catch my meaning."

Ciel made an extremely unpleasant face as he rolled his eyes. He really didn't want to go there, of all places, however he knew that they would gain valuable intel if they did. It was rather annoying, but they really had no choice. Ciel clicked his tongue in frustration, there was no way around it… they would have to go to his place again…

The pair boarded their carriage and rode to the outskirts of town, coming to a stop in front of a small, dingy little shop. The sign above the door said in thin, black lettering: Undertaker.

"Let's get this over with." Ciel muttered as he knocked on the front doors with his walking cane. A high pitched giggle came as their reply, "He-he-he-he~!"

Ciel and Sebastian walked into the shop, only to be greeted by darkness. "I was wondering when you would come to visit me, young earl!" Came a squeaky voice from within. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me, he-he-he-he~!"

"I have no time for games, Undertaker! Stop hiding, show yourself!" Ciel was growing more and more impatient the more he had to wait. "I need to ask you some questions regarding my recent case." Just then, four boney fingers with long black nails appeared and gripped the cover of a nearby casket opening it to reveal a tall, lean man wearing a long robe and hat. His silver hair was long and straight with bangs that covered his eyes. He stepped out of the coffin with a wide grin that stretched from ear to ear.

"Now, now, surely you already know what the fee is for me to give you any information. One good laugh for one good story! He-he-he-he~!"

Ciel grimaced. This was one of the many reasons why he hated having to go to this man for help. He only ever talked after someone made him laugh. He looked up at Sebastian and heaved heavily, "We need his help, whether we like it or not. Do what you must to get any information you can out of him, this is an order."

At that, Sebastian nodded as Ciel excited the store to wait outside for the time being. Sebastian knew, as well as Ciel, that the only way to get Undertaker to talk was far too inappropriate for his young master to remain in earshot.

"Oh my, my, my… As usual, your little master of has left you in charge of everything, he-he-he~! That's not surprising." He glided over to the butler and placed his hand on his shoulder. "But that's ok, we'll just have some fun without him."

Sebastian remained in his spot. It seemed like the butler wasn't phased at all by the other man's odd behavior. On the contrary, he was enjoying the attention, especially the heat he felt throughout his body just from his touch.

"And what sort of fun did you have in mind for us to have together?" Sebastian injured with a slightly mocking tone and a smirk on his face.

"Oh, you know… Just the usual…" The Undertaker stated slyly. He had walked around Sebastian so that he was directly behind him, and put his second hand on his other shoulder, rubbing them in small, circular patterns.

Sebastian closed his eyes and started to moan softly to himself. Undertaker always knew the proper way to make him feel good. He slowly began to push his hands downward, holding Sebastian in a loose embrace. He continued to rub him gently, traveling lower and lower still.

After a few moments, the black butler could feel his pleasure building. The Undertaker had begun to rub him where a stiff bulge had formed, eliciting more soft groans. At this, Sebastian turned himself around to face the tall man, reaching his hands upward to grab his face. He took him by his chin and yanked him towards his own, locking their lips in a feverish kiss. Tongues thrashed, struggling for dominance, drool pooling from the sides of each mouth.

Sebastian moved his hands down to hold onto the Undertaker's shoulders, pulling him closer to his body so that he could grind his erection against his leg. More moans were made by both men as they hastily began to disrobe. Sebastian pulled his trousers down to his knees while the Undertaker hoisted his robes, each revealing their manhood to the other.

"Turn around." The black butler demanded, his hips already bucking involuntarily in anticipation. The other man nodded as he walked over to a nearby table and leaned on it, waiting for his partner's next move. Still holding onto the Undertaker's hips, Sebastian reached a hand around to his front and began to pull on the other man's cock. Soon he too was bucking his hips in anticipation, awaiting his partners next action.

Sebastian hastily started to put his fingers into the other man's entrance one at a time, scissoring them in and out, trying to find his sweet spot. The other man had already reached his first orgasm and he released into the butler's hand. "It seems you're more than ready," he said in his husky voice.

He got himself into position, lining himself up and then thrusting with great force into the other man's hole. The Undertaker made a sound of great pleasure as the other man pushed in and out of him, hitting him just so. His vision had become blurred and his breathing was hitched.

"Fa-faster." He moaned, as the butler continued to shove himself in and out. The other man quickened the pace of his thrusts; harder and faster, each time hitting the spot that drove the Undertaker wild. He enjoyed the noises his partner was making and he wanted to make sure to keep them coming.

"Ah… Nn… Ah…" They panted. Sebastian could feel himself reaching his limit. He slowed his pace once more, nearing the end. He almost pulled out completely, leaving the tip inside only to quickly shove his entirety up to threshold, holding it there as long as possible. The Undertaker cried out in pleasure as the other man's member was shoved up against his prostate.

Sebastian released inside of him and slowly began to pull out. The Undertaker responded with a light gasp as he too released once more. Both men stood up, panting slightly, covered in sweat. They cleaned up after themselves the best they could, pulling up pants and covering their areas. Both were wearing a face of great satisfaction as they did so.

Ciel was standing outside, still waiting for his butler to let him back inside. "Why is it taking so damn long!" He grumbled.

All of a sudden, he heard a loud, high pitched squeal of delight, "Ah-ha-ha-he-he-he~!" as Sebastian opened the shop doors to let his young master inside. All looked just as it had been when they first arrived, so he had no reason to expect anything out of the ordinary. To him, it seemed that it just took a while for Sebastian to come up with a decent joke.

"Took you long enough." He said to his butler with an agitated tone.

"My apologies, my lord," he replied with a bow, "he is quite the stubborn one." He looked at the Undertaker with a smirk, to which the other responded with a devilish wink:

"Well, I do think I'm ready to tell you some information, he-he-he-he~!"


End file.
